You will find no arguments from me.
Man, I miss that guy.
There are a *hundred*? Sheesh, I can't keep track of all that. What time is the game on?
Via Mitchieville comes the link to Maxim's list. Some useful/useless items here:
76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.
73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.
Ain't that the truth.
60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.
46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps.
Will Nyquil work in a pinch?
44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal.
Me or her?
But seriously, what about doing my laundry? At this stage in my life, frankly, that's hotter, and with a fresher spring mountain scent to boot.
Heh. I said "boot."
40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.
Seen it. Seriously, WTF is that? I could Keyser Soze the family of one of my friends, burn them alive right in front of him, and the next day he'll ask if he can come over to my house to play Halo. And he'll even bring the beer! Meanwhile, chicks disagree about which American Idol contestant is hotter, and they'll holepunch the eyes out of their spring break photos. Never understood that.
31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.
What about the pizza boxes?
25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.
Cool. Which one? Is she easy?
15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys
How does this jive with #76? I'm so confused.
12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps.
At what time of the month are they attracted to dorkwads? Is this a case of, like, February 29th or something?
11. She likes one of your friends.
Good for her, because I sure don't.
9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.
My kids would look like this.
3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”
I've had success with "Put the fucking lotion in the basket." But it's all in the delivery.
Buried at the bottom of Allahpundit's (guestblogging over at Michelle Malkin's) posting about the French student protests comes a juicy Gallup poll showing opinions on foreign countries, split by Republicans and Democrats.
Some pretty "duh" findings here. More Democrats than Republicans like France. More Republicans than Democrats like Israel.
Huh. I thought American Jews voted mostly Democrat? Must be all those crazy apocalyptic Christian right end timers in love with Israel. Or, perhaps, they're just folks who recognize allies in the war on terrorism when they see them.
Need proof? Just look who has a higher opinion of the Palestinian Authority. Not sure if it's all that statistically significant, but given that anyone could have predicted it without even seeing the results, methinks Gallup hit the mark.
Oh, And Guess Who's In Mexico? Update: Allah also spotted one ugly motherf'er in Mexico.
There's an old bawdy joke about Indians (bow-and-arrow Indians, not holy cow Indians) naming their kids after the first thing seen when they were born.
Here's a case of a tragically-now-deceased kid who was probably named after the first thing seen when he was conceived:
SAN DIEGO – A former military marksman was convicted Thursday of first-degree murder in the fatal shooting of an 18-year-old man in southeast San Diego, but a jury deadlocked on the culpability of a teenage co-defendant.
After 3½ days of deliberations, jurors convicted Lawrence Christopher Smith, 25, of shooting Dom Perignon Champagne from his car the afternoon of Nov. 26, 2004.
Thanks to Friend of Garfield Ridge Utron, who hooked up with a girl during Schindler's List.
Last week my buddy Mike and I had lunch with a professor of ours back from our Marymount University days. He told us over pizza that the Marymount poli-sci program was sponsoring a debate between "some guy from National Review, and somebody else." He couldn't remember who it was, but he was fairly insistent that the debaters weren't anybody big, "second tier people."
Mike calls me up this morning.
"Doc's an idiot. The debate's between Jonah Goldberg and Peter Beinart of the New Republic. It's Tuesday night if you can make it."
If I can help it, I'm definitely going to be there on Tuesday to cheer Jonah on. No idea what the debate will be about, but it'll just be nice to have somebody, you know, *funny* on Marymount's campus for once.
Aside from me. *I* was funny on Marymount's campus. Once.
I'll let you know how it goes. . .
I think I can safely speak for all Garfield Ridge readers when I state that no man in America is disappointed in Minnelli's words.
Then again, given Minnelli's last husband. . .
. . . we could be forgiven for thinking that Minnelli's been sick of sex for quite some time.
Apparently, no more *conventional* weapon testing, either:
LAS VEGAS (AP) - Plans for a Pentagon-led experiment that involves detonating 700 tons of explosives in the desert drew criticism from state leaders and a disarmament activist.
The explosion scheduled for June 2 at the Nevada Test Site is part of an effort to design a weapon that can penetrate solid rock formations in which a country might store nuclear weapons or other weapons of mass destruction.
Obviously, this is essential work. And considering the discord surrounding potential nuclear weapon solutions to the challenges posed by hard and deeply buried targets, one would think pursuing conventional solutions would be applauded.
Not so. And just take a guess who's complaining:
"I am concerned that tests of this magnitude have been planned without providing Nevadans with any information about the possible impact on their health or safety," said Demcratic Sen. Minority Leader Harry Reid in a statement Thursday.
It's a bomb, Harry. Bombs have a lot of impact on health and safety, if you're next to them when they go off. Otherwise, not so much.
Of course, this wasn't a controversy at all until the news stories hit INTERNET yesterday:
Morgan said the site obtained the required state approvals and air quality permits in January. Officials from the National Nuclear Security Administration, which operates the site, alerted the state's congressional delegation and state government in December.
The Nevada Department of Administration responded with a letter stating: "Your proposal is not in conflict with state plans, goals or objectives."
No elected officials responded to the notice until Thursday, Morgan said.
Yup, that's the #1 rule here in Washington: ain't nothin' a crisis until it hits the Drudge Report.
And no, I'm not talking about a Playboy Playmate:
Boy gets caught in toy-filled 'claw' machine
AUSTIN, Minn. — A machine filled with toys must've been awfully tempting to a three-year-old boy.
The tot crawled through the toy discharge chute in the Toy Chest claw machine at a Godfather's Pizza in Austin and got stuck amid all the toys.
The Claw chooses who will stay and who will go!