I guess limbo just wasn't cutting it with all the cool kids today.
According to Italian media reports on Tuesday, an international theological commission will advise Pope Benedict to eliminate the teaching about limbo from the Catholic catechism.
The Catholic Church teaches that babies who die before they can be baptized go to limbo, whose name comes from the Latin for "border" or "edge," because they deserve neither heaven nor hell.
Last October, seven months before he died, Pope John Paul asked the commission to come up with "a more coherent and enlightened way" of describing the fate of such innocents.
I love how theologians can just reinvent the wheel on a whim. That's the benefit of religion-- you can put words into the mouth of your mythical man in the sky whenever you get the urge. After all, it's not like they got a head office memo or anything.
I'm guessing the Vatican conversation went a little bit like this:
"Uhhh, Fred? This limbo thing used to work, but now it's kinda corny, don't you think?"
"I guess so. What do you suggest we should do instead?"
"I dunno. How about we just call it Resurrection Day Care?"
Thankfully, that hard-ass Ratzinger is in charge of this process. Because you just know that if American Catholics had their way, limbo would be abandoned in favor of a larger Heaven featuring a special resort complex where unbaptized babies can happily play with water wiggles while Anne Geddes photographs them.
We couldn't possibly upset parents with thoughts that their poor unbaptized babies aren't enjoying themselves in the grace of God. Oh, and please note that none of this applies to unbaptized *aborted* babies, who instead of limbo are all sent off to a landfill in New Jersey.
Personally, I'm somewhat surprised that the Catholic Church isn't considering more alternatives to limbo. Just off the top of my head, I can think of a few:
-- Limboobah, the limbo for unbaptized idiot babies.
-- Limbido, the limbo for unbaptized slut babies.
-- Limbada, the limbo for unbaptized dancing babies.
C'mon, let's be honest: this baby is burning in Hell right now.