Every once in a while, it's important to spend a few moments recalling the bizarre saga of Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis, quite possibly the craziest ballplayer ever.
Everybody loves the "no-hitter on LSD" story, but I have a soft spot in my heart for the following incident:
When the Cincinnati Reds taunted the Pirates after beating them in the 1972 National League Championship Series, Ellis decided to motivate his team by hitting every single batter in the Reds' lineup. He hit the first three and walked two before he was pulled.
Fucking. Insane.
Ellis, on the "art" of hitting hitters:
"It's such an important aspect of the game," he says. "Like hitting batsmen. All hitters know they're gonna get hit. They just don't know when. The kicker for the truly good hitters is, you cannot hit me as many times as I'm gonna hit you. They take that hit to get six hits. But you gotta pop their ass so you can get an 0 for 4 on them one day. Don't get cocky now, motherfucker. The challenge is on. So let's get it on. Other guys might explain it differently, have different reasons, but that was mine.
"Right about the time I left, it changed. You can't throw at anyone without getting thrown out of the game. The announcers today say it ruins the game. They never talk about the fights that Cincinnati and St. Louis got into 30 years ago. Barry Bonds? I'd hit him at least once a game. 'Cause he's got all that shit on. Yeah, let's see that shit stop the ball from hurting him if I hit him on the motherfucking elbow or something. I'd hit him just to see, does it work?"
I ain't gonna lie to you, my pitching philosophy has always been like this. Especially if the pitcher is throwing balls. Hell, if you're gonna give the hitter a free base on balls, you might as well make that fourth pitch a beanball. Keeps 'em honest.
Dock Ellis, a true American hero.
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