You're sitting on your throne, taking care of nature's business. Once complete, you go to refresh yourself, only to discover to your horror. . . I can't reach my filth!
Either your gut is too big to reach over, your arms too short to reach under, or your hands have simply disappeared in the process of defecation.
Rest assured, Garfield Ridge readers-- there is now a solution for you.
Introducing the SelfWipe Bathroom Toilet Aid.
Never again will you have to suffer from dingleberries, danglers, brown surprises, skid marks, streak stains, crotch rot, swamp ass, or pieces of your shit you didn't clean off of your asshole, you sick lazy fuck.
The SelfWipe bathroom Toilet Aid relies on space-age technology to help all kinds of people:
-- People who are obese.
-- People with an amputation.
-- Senior Citizens.
-- People with weak hands.
So, readers-- don't waste another moment. Please. No, really, you should clean that up. Like, right now. Deal with your forgotten fecal filth today!